Everything happens for a reason, right?

Ok, it has been ages since I have posted. There is a reason, which is as follows...

All year long I had been working hard, until July 30th...

On the morning of July 30th, I unwillingly joined the ever growing population of hard-working individuals whom due to the sub-prime rate mortgage idiocy, had lost their jobs.

I was led into a conference room to face an unknown "corporate" HR person who tried to give me the required "separation package" information. I was so pissed off, that I almost couldn't breathe! I just wanted to leave. I cut her off and asked if I could go. Later that day, after my anger subsided, I felt sorry that I had reacted so strongly. She had given me a business card, so I called. She didn't answer, so I left an apology on her voicemail.

I was out of work...God I hate looking for a job!!!! I applied for unemployment, which is some money, but lets face it, it isn't enough...

I revamped my resume. I posted it on a couple of sites and started applying for jobs. The next week was a charm, because I started getting calls left & right!!! The 1st call was the best. I know because I followed it to a new job, which I absolutely love!!!!

If I hadn't lost my job at (***) when I did, then I wouldn't have updated my resume or posted it on
monster.com, which means that EIWF wouldn't have seen it or called me for an interview which would mean I definitely wouldn't be working at one of the best darn jobs I have ever had...

I honestly believe that everything happens for a reason, right?

RIGHT!!!!!

Courtney's Smile

When I cleaned Ry's room I found another poem that she wrote for her sister, Courtney. Here it is:

Her Smile

She smiles,

I smile

back

Joy in my heart

pearly white teeth

A smile of

love staring

back and

forth

Eyes shine

with a smile

in her heart

Smiles repeat

like a mirror

game

Smiles leap

across the room

and back

her smile is

a message of love.

Author: Ryann Wallace Duff

She's Back!!!

It's all good...She's back!!!

I missed RyRy alot. When we picked her up at the airport, I told her father that I give it 2 days before I threaten to ship her back to her sister in Texas, he agreed. We both lost, it was 3 days! Oh well...

When she saw her room , she said, "Well, it's not what I expected...IT'S BETTER!!"

So I guess she loved her room, which is a definite kudos!

My baby's growing up...

I miss RyRy alot!!

My daughter has an awesome imagination & she is very brave!

She went to visit her sister in Texas this summer and is flying back from Houston, TX to Tampa, FL alone, on July 2nd! She is scared, but I keep on telling her that it is nothing big for her to fly back from Texas alone. Her sister will put her on the plane and I will pick her up at the gate, but, I know that she will still be on the plane alone. (I think I'm freaking out about it more than Ry)

I am completely remodeling her room... I am excited about it & I hope she loves it. It is very eclectic...she picked the color of the walls & that's all. I have created a room that I love & I hope she loves it too.

I miss RyRy alot!!

A Very Special Person

I was told that I needed to go out & have fun because my daughter was away visiting her sister in Texas for a month. So I made plans for my husband & I to go out with another couple. Within the first 5 minutes of us being out, I found out that a close friend of mine from the past, the woman who when my mom was 1400 miles away, adopted me when I was pregnant, and the first person to ever babysit my daughter, Grandma Jan had died. All of the sudden the air was sucked out of my lungs...I couldn't breathe. Then, I started sobbing. So I excused myself & escaped outside to cry. My husband came out to check on me, I said I was alright. I went back into the lounge and we all played pool, then went to another establishment to have some food. Through out the night I have been softly crying, every other moment my eyes were leaking; I couldn't help it, they wouldn't stop. My husband just hugged me and said he understood.

To my good friend, Jan you were a very special person in my life. I love you and I will miss you.

To my husband, Pete, I respect & appreciate you. You are my soulmate...

Because I Don't Want To!

I miss my girl, RyRy. She's a good girl, very smart. She's 11 years old & she agreed to go to visit her sister in Texas for a month, if I completely remodeled her room. (Total Bribe!)

Room's almost done, and boy, is she going to be surprised!?!?!

I Blog Because I Want To

I love the internet. I love to surf & I am extremely adept at finding information.

But now I must say... "Once apon a time; a long, long, long time ago, when I started blogging." I wrote for myself & never expected anyone to read or concur with my concepts. I loved being able to express my feelings, even though nobody else wanted to hear about it. That was ok with me!

I blog because I want to.

The Name Game

Here is a question I would like to ask parents. How did you figure out what to name your child(ren)? Was it after a relative, friend, lost loved one, or was it a name that would sound good rolling off your tongue when you had to discipline your child? (Which one of my friends actually admitted to )

I see all kinds of names where I work. There are names from all walks of life. Some long, some foreign, some hard to figure out how to even try to pronounce them, and some extremely funny. For example, there was an actual person named, 'Ima Bush'. Seriously, Ms. Ima Bush. I am sure Ms. Bush is a very nice person, and I apologize if she is now reading this and is offended, as that certainly was not my main objective. I guess Ms. Bush's parents weren't thinking soundly after the delivery of their beautiful baby girl, "Let's name her Ima...Ima Bush." How much teasing & harassment do you think Ima received at school, in the playground or even at work? And unbelievably there are many, many, many and many more funny, crazy names out there! I actually saw a file for Jesus Crist. (I'm serious)

So now I would like to ask some parents, "What were you thinking?"

As a mother, I remember being pregnant, everything was crystal clear. I knew all of the tasks that needed to be accomplished, but then again I also craved steak, hot sauce & egg foo young (go figure). But most importantly, for forever, always & to this day, I love surprises. So, I didn't want to know the sex of our baby prior to birth. I did, however, decide on a name for our baby. The same name whether it was a boy or a girl. The first name had no family significance, but it was Irish, I had always loved it, & although I had rarely heard it as a female name, it could be spelled a little differently & still be cool. The middle name was my maiden name , because I am proud of my heritage & it is a Scottish tradition. And of course the last name was our family name, my married name, which I embrace because I love my husband and am equally proud of my Celtic heritage.

I know that some of you might have read my blog in the past few years. So some of you have seen my daughter's name. But for those of you that haven't, well, here's the kicker, as I now ask other parents, "What were you thinking?", I also have to ask myself the same question!! Because even though I thought I was being so smart; giving my child a cool name... I found out 4 years later that I was so wrong!!!

The first week my daughter was in pre-school, she came home extremely upset because another little girl called her, "Crying Ryann." Why didn't I see that coming? I should have known better. I had gotten teased almost my whole life for one thing or another, I wanted my child to have a different experience. But honestly, I think everyone gets picked on sometime or another, for all kinds of different things. I think it's wrong, but does happen.

I know that I love my daughter & her name. To me, her name means a strong & independent girl (future woman), unfortunately to other children it means she cries alot... The 'Name Game' aspect didn't even occur to me when I was thinking of children's names!!! It should have since my Dad's name was 'Chuck', which was always a favorite for anyone who wanted to play 'The Name Game', a tradition anyone from the 70's-80's era should remember. You know? 'Chuck, Chuck..."

So, now I know am am one of those parents that should be asked, "What were you thinking?"

Closed Door Meetings

I work in the accounting department of a title company. Over the last year and a half, the mortgage industry has taken a huge tumble largely due to the sub-prime lending market crashing. Luckily over 2 years ago, my company was bought by a large nationwide company, which I think is the only reason we are still in business.

But still there were layoffs. Which I have survived.

At work today, there were a bunch of meetings, teams consolidating, teams dissolving, and then came the 'Closed Door Meetings'(Layoff meetings)...I can only hope for the best.

I love where I work & it took a long time for me to find this job! So what the heck!!! I hate closed door meetings!!!

The reply to: "A Letter To Mr Crist"

"Dear Ms. Duff:

Governor Crist received your e-mail and asked me to respond on his behalf.

The Governor appreciates the challenges local governments face in providing essential services while also lowering property taxes. Governor Crist believes that local governments can and will tighten their belts while at the same time providing the services our citizens need and expect.

Thank you for writing and do not hesitate to write again on matters of concern or interest to you.

Sincerely,

Rex T. Newman
Citizen Services"

My response:

Dear Mr Newman,

I thank you for the response, but I still don't appreciate or understand the reasoning for the passing of the amendment.

Prices on everything are skyrocketing... except our pay...that stays the same...and has for years.

WTF?????

Hello, Mr Crist?? Got any answers for that??

When I was young, people that were different, scared me and that's the truth.

Though it shouldn't have been that way, it's a fact. I have a cousin who is about 8 years older than me with Downs Syndrome. When I was 4 years old, at my Grandparents 50th anniversary party, she scared the heck out of me. For no reason what-so-ever, I was scared of her. She didn't DO anything to me. I was just scared. She was different. Back in those times (OK, I'm talking about the late 60's early 70's, NOT the pre-historic times), people with Downs were not asually in the mainstream population. My Aunt Joyce, my cousin Barb's mom, was told when Barb was born, that she should send her to an institution, because Barbara would never be able to walk, talk or function. Well, thank God my Aunt Joyce didn't listen. She worked relentlessly with Barb, and because of that, Barb learned to walk, talk & be productive, all of the things that the doctors said would happen, NEVER HAPPEN!!!

My cousin became semi-independent. She works, and has worked for years; she is a productive member of our society. Today she lives in what would be classified as assisted living. Not bad for for a baby that supposedly would have never walked or functioned & should have been either aborted or sent to an institution at birth...Anyway, I watched a documentary tonight on HBO about a married couple who have been deaf since birth & then decided that at age 65, they should have cochlear implant surgery. Afterward they could hear some sound, but not the same way we do, at least not all of the time. They could hear talking, but were not able to decipher the words. Some sounds were deafening while others were minuscule. Watching that program mesmerized me!

There is a good reason for that... I work with a deaf guy and he has a cochlear implant. I always thought that he could hear a lot, at least more than he let on to. After watching the HBO program, I wonder, "How much does he really hear?" I know everyone is different & there was a lot of screeching involved, and, I also know, he hears just 'noise'. So let's bring it on!!! What do you hear/sense? Our voices, our tone of voice, the revving of the engine...

Truthfully, there is no 'Can You Hear Me Now?'

A Letter To Mr Crist

Dear Mr Crist,

I did not vote for Amendment 1 but since it has passed, I now have to deal with the circumstances.

Please excuse my lack of enthusiasm over the grand celebration of my property tax being reduced by approximately $61.00 a year, because my home is not in the 300k + value range that will actually benefit from the property tax break.

My husband is a county employee. He works for the parks department which is the first place the county has earmarked for lay offs. This year there were no pay raises. (Prices on everything have skyrocketed, but no pay increase) Now because of amendment 1 passing, he is in jeopardy of losing his job. Which would mean that we would lose OUR HOME!!! Do you know that there are no less than 3 houses on my street in foreclosure? And this is before your precious amendment 1!

In the last several months, due to the threat of Amendment 1, I have seen many of my government employed friends lose their jobs, and then their homes. How is this a benefit?

I have a child in the school system. The Pinellas county Superintendent has proposed cutting teacher salaries by 2% as well as closing schools. We will lose assistant principals, counselors and many necessary programs including those that help troubled students (the ones that REALLY need help). How is this beneficial to our future? Think about it, who is going to be 'in charge' when you get old? When we all get old. Why are you messing with the educational programs? And don't you dare say you aren't, because that is exactly what has happened due to your precious Amendment 1 passing.

I ask you to please, do us all a favor and be a governor for ALL of the people in Florida, and not just the privileged!

Today in the St Pete Times Metro section there was a headline, "Tight Budget? Not For Everyone", which told about you approving $2.5 million in the state budget for CW Bill Young Institute of Government for a St Pete College to also be led by US Rep Bill Young. It is going to be fully funded by the legislator. WHY??? I don't want my taxes, which I pay faithfully every year, going to that.

How many children in Florida do you think will go to that college now that the money that funds to our public school system is cut to the bare minimum due to the passing of amendment 1?

OMG!! People are losing their jobs left & right. We are losing public services left & right...HELLO?!?!?

CAN ANYBODY HERE ME?????

Christians-R-Us

First of all, I want to say that I am going to write about something that occurred at work today.

Second of all, I truly believe that religion & politics should never be the topic of discussion at the workplace, unless, of course it is about a politician who screws half of the high-priced hookers in DC & gets caught or the discussion is about some *ssh*le church pastor who gets his rocks off by molesting innocent children.

Third of all, I know that the co-worker with whom I had the discussion knows about my blog & will probably read it, but I still feel the need to express my feelings on the subject. I know that he is a Christian and will respect my views.

So, here is what happened:

I went into the break room to heat up my lunch. One of my co-workers was studying for a bible class. I asked if he was working toward a degree or if the class was for is own personal knowledge. He answered knowledge. The class was on the book of 'Revelations'. I have always been intrigued by the book of Revelations and the many different interpretations of it. As a matter of fact, that is not the only part of the bible that has intrigued me.

I told him that I thought it was an interesting book, and how various religions interpreted the passages differently. Talk about a mistake. I broke one of my own rules, "Never discuss religion in the workplace". However, it was not my intention to piss my co-worker off, only to discuss. But he got a little huffy, then asked more questions, to which I honestly replied... so it went...back n forth...back n forth... Then he said one of the worst things you could say to me, which was, "That makes me question your Christianity". Hello!!! What??? Are you serious?

I grew up in a VERY Catholic family. All 3 of my mom's brother's were priests. For 12 years I went to Catholic school. My mother was 'Mrs Catholic Daughter of America' for crying out loud! In other words, I was force-fed Catholicism from the day I was born. I was taught that the Bible was written by man but 'inspired' by God.

So, being the sceptical person that I am & also having been screwed by men, I have questioned that part. "Written by man"; "Inspired by God"; "Written by man"; "Inspired by God"; "Written by man"; "Inspired by God"...written by man...

Let's see, how many 'men', in this world, who have been 'called by God' have also been inspired to molest children??? Hhhmmmm...can we count them on one hand? How about two hands? No?? Let's face it, there are too many to count. So that is one reason I question the Bible.

Also according to the Bible, homosexuality is forbidden...it is a sin. So I ask, does that mean that anyone who is gay is evil & will not be allowed in 'Heaven'? The responses I have received were not favorable. So again I ask, what happened to, 'We are all God's children'? Isn't that in the Bible too??

When I was younger, religion was forced on me to the point that I rebelled. I did not want to go to church. I was a Christian, but not necessarily Catholic. Then my family experienced a tragedy, my Dad got cancer...and died. There it is! Lights out...the worst day of my life, because I completely lost my faith. How could that happen??? Why??? He was a great person who deserved to live!!! After the funeral, heartbroken, I hardened, clearly there was no God, He didn't exist, there was no after-life, when you died, you were gone...the end. Then really came my nightmare, I went on a 2 year rampage of self-destruction. It ended thru a professional tragedy that turned into a saving grace...I got laid-off, I moved to Florida & I slowly rebuilt my life.

It took me YEARS to regain my faith and believe in God again. It has been a struggle each and every day. I have built a new life for myself. I have married my soul-mate, had the daughter I never thought I would, sadly lost another daughter(RIP), gained a son, a daughter & 2 grand children and unfortunately lost my Mom(RIP).

The funny thing about writing this is that even though I wrote quite a bit about events in my life regarding religion, I haven't even touched the surface of most of the issues that haunt me to this day. Maybe I will, someday...

Inside I do not feel I should have to say this but, I think that other people might need to see it, so here I go, "I do believe in God. I believe that Jesus Christ is our Savior. I also believe that we are ALL His children & are ALL welcomed into the Kingdom of Heaven" (Unless of course, we choose otherwise)

sign the blue paper

When I got home today, my 10 year old daughter, who is in 5th grade, pointed to a blue paper on the kitchen counter & asked me to sign it. I said, "Sure, I'll sign it later", then continued unwinding from a tiresome week of work.

Well, it has been many hours later & I have finally read the blue paper. It is a notice from her school that states my child will be studying the subject of human growth and development. Then it lists several elements of the course such as body changes during puberty, reproduction, pregnancy & the birth process. In other words, my daughter will be taking 'sex education', for 3 hours a day, for 2 days.

I must say, this threw me for a loop. I have always been open & honest with my girl about these things. I know that I have talked to her about almost everything in that respect. Still, I expected the sex education classes to start in middle school not elementary school!!

After closely examining the blue paper, I have determined that there isn't a designated signature area, only a place to insert my daughter's name & my name. So I guess that means that she will attend sex-ed whether I approve or not.

Now I know why Ryann was trying to get me to sign the blue paper without looking at it!!

It's My Party & I'll Cry If I want To

Wooo, hoooo!!! It's my birthday!!!

Today is my birthday. I am so excited. I always make a big to-do about it because it is the only day out of the whole year that is mine! Usually, I do what I want; I get what I want and I feel special.

Unfortunately, I have to go to work today, so there goes the 'all about me' plan...

Tonight I will go out to dinner with my family. It will be fun...but for now...I think I'll cry...

My Day, then Hers

My favorite day of the year is April 17th. That's my birthday. It is a very special day. I think it should be a holiday, which sometimes it is in Massachusetts. (Patriot's Day)

There is a reason that I always make a very big deal about my birthday. I love being treated like it's "all about me".

Mom's birthday was April 18th, the day after mine.

What Are Teachers Supposed To Teach?

If you have read my blogs in the past then you will remember the tirades I have had regarding the property tax issue in Florida.

Well, the f'ing amendment passed. Governor Charlie Crist, who by the way, does NOT own a house in Florida, called it a victory. I ask, "For Whom"? Not him obviously, as HE DOESN'T PAY PROPERTY TAX!!!

But the good news is my property tax will be reduced by approximately $66.00 a year. The bad news is my husband is a county parks worker who was just informed that their workforce will be reduced by more than 33% by September & if he still has a job then his job will be part of a roaming crew. In other words, he will be required to travel to any park within the county on any given day whenever 'they' say so. ('They' being the suits that have no fear of having to roam away from their comfortable offices in Clearwater.) It sucks, some of the parks are over an hour away from the park where he currently works.

Okay, the amendment passed & we have to live with whatever happens. I can accept that. What I do not have to accept is what happened at my daughter's school today.

There was an article in today's St Pete Times about county park workers losing jobs due to the tax cuts. So when I got home, my daughter, who is in 5th grade, said she had to talk to me and she pulled out the article in the paper, which she highlighted. "Look", she said. "This is about Daddy's job, he's going to lose his job". I asked where she got the article and she replied, "From my teacher. He gave it to me because I told him that my Daddy worked for the county parks department". Then she refolded it & put it back in her backpack.

I am pissed off at her teacher. He shouldn't have given her that article. My husband & I are well aware of what may be in store for him because of this amendment passing. We have been for months. We should be the ones to explain the situation to our daughter, not her teacher! AND, it wasn't necessary to do explain at this time!!!

Why would he think it is okay to upset & worry a 10 year old?

NOTE: I asked Pete if Ry had showed him the article the teacher gave her & explained why. He said no, but that explained why when he picked up Ry today she asked if he still had a job!!!!!

AGAIN W-T-F??? (That phrase comes up ALOT)

Teach what you are paid to teach!!! Leave the other stuff to the parents!!!

Count Your Blessings

I freak out almost every day because I could not live up to my Mom's expectations. Her last request to me was to keep the "family" together. I took that seriously but it did not happen. To me, family is everything, blood is thicker than water. I tried, but unfortunately, my family does not feel the same way.

I moved to Florida 15 years ago with my dog Micki (RIP). I only knew 1 person. Everything happens for a reason.

I ALWAYS count my blessings!

I Hope You Dance

Lee Ann Womack really said it all in her song, "I Hope You Dance". When I listen to that song, I have mixed emotions. First, I wished I'd danced. Second, I really wish I'd learned to dance.(joking, of course)

Seriously, the song delivers a great message about not sitting back & missing out on the great things that life has to offer. That is a lesson well learned...

So let's just dance...

Our Anniversary

The first time around, I had a big wedding in a church, with a big reception following. That didn't last. I always said, I would never marry again until, I moved 1424 miles away from home and met Pete. He was annoying. Always in my face & never left me alone. No matter where I was when I looked around, there was Pete!! (go away!)

Over a period of several months, everytime I went out, Pete was there bothering me. One Friday night, I finally agreed to meet Pete the next evening which was Saturday, if he would go away. Pete agreed and I thought I was in the clear. Then on Saturday...I was bored and decided to go after all, even though I was more than an hour late, he was anxiously waiting for me! We have been together ever since! How hot is that??

The first week I really new Pete, he told my BFF that he was going to marry me! I completely rebelled. No F'ing way was I going to get married again! Well...

We got married on my parents anniversary, which was February 16th. I figured that date worked well for them...so it should really shine for us. And it has!

I love you Babe, Happy Anniversary!!